“A quart of beef stock? What in the Undervell is that?” Kit read the recipe for a common stew and was confounded by three ingredients. “Stock, corn starch, and russet potatoes…Perhaps I can research each ingri—“
“Or,” Julep shouted from his post on the windowsill. “Forgive me because this is a crazy idea, but how about you ask someone!? Maybe Nieema. I like her. She’s vampyre and quite sensual. If I weren’t cursed to hold this feline form I’d make her mine.”
“She is betrothed you whore.”
“Semantics.” Julep’s tail flicked and rolled as he watched chickens peck the soil searching for grubs. He was intent on killing them for how they’d treated Kit earlier. “My suggestion stands. Ask her. Land dwellers seem amiable and dare I say, kind. Encouraging even. I hate them.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
Kit removed his apron, hung it on a hook shaped like a kind of nut, and grabbed his journal. He stopped to boop Julep’s nose. The testy cat hissed and tried to fight him off.
“I hope to have lunch, supper, what have you, at least started before we leave. I’m rather excited about this demolition business.”
“Yes, you ache for violence.” Julep lapped at a paw and brushed it over his ear. “You and I are such alike it scares me at times. Say, on your return would it be alright if I took a walk?”
“Why?”
“I’m bored.”
Kit blinked at his friend, who stared with indifference.
“Julep, you are a liar. You bring me rodents when I’ve expressed how foul they are. You tell me they attack you. Lie. You leave refuse in my bed and say you were ‘sleep shitting’. Lie. Youuu, want at the chickens.”
“I do not!”
“I counted fifteen hens. And I will come back to the same amount or I’ll give you a bath then fit you with a leash!”
Julep hissed once more and lunged at Kit. The bastard took chase and clawed at his ankles.
“You’ll bleed, demon! If you even dare, I’ll fill your shoes with mice!”
Kit yanked open the front door, and Julep escaped in skittish, feline fashion. “You had better run, petulant beast!”
The sun shone in a clear blue sky and mammals bleated. One could say it was a lovely day if not for a seething gentleman blocking the exit.
“Ah, you,” Kit intoned.
“Yeah. Me. I know you touched my eggs.”
“Were those your eggs?” Steeling his spine, Kit sneered. “I didn’t know. I was sure they belonged to the chickens that laid them.”
“Don’t get smart with me, jack!”
“My name isn’t Jack, it’s Kit.”
“Don’t you ever go digging for my eggs.”
Kit growled as Hank’s red eyes sparked. He was within range to catch his death. Clove and bergamot swirled about. The scent was oddly comforting and contradictory of his boorish behavior.
“They are everywhere!” Kit pronounced, holding his ground.
“I don’t give a shit, they’re mine.”
“Surely you’re not using all of them.”
“I am.”
“Liar!”
Hank hissed like the uncouth cave dweller he was and begged for a fight. Kit was born for battle, molded by it. He’d won many wars and made a name for himself. In Undervell, he’d have ripped Hank’s tongue out, pureed it, then spoon-fed him the mush with glee. But this was Indigo Plains, Ravensguard territory.
He did not need to kill this man.
Done with the whole conversation and Hank’s dewy complexion Kit stomped across the porch.
“I have nothing more to—“
“Don’t you walk away from me! I ain’t done. Don’t bother my chickens or my eggs, do you hear me?”
Hank blocked Kit’s path for the second time.
“Get out of my way or I will be forced to cause bodily harm.”
“There you go, threatenin’ me again.” Hank huffed and hiked up his trousers. “You sho’ you wanna ride this stallion, boy.”
“I’m sure Granny not gonna like you pestering her guest.”
The disembodied voice turned Kit around. There, on the overhang, sat a fellow with magenta locs and a bag of crisps. His legs dangled as he smiled and looked to the sky.
“This guest is too god damn nosy!”
“And you too grumpy,” the roof-sitter claimed.
“Indeed.”
“You hush,” Hank grumbled.
Kit pivoted and faced his nemesis. “You have no authority here. Good day.”
“You heard him, Hank. Get goin’.”
“Jo, I wann’t talking to you.”
“You know I do not give a fuck. I will tell Granny.”
Hank resigned and mumbled expletives on his trip down the stone path. With the cantankerous vampire on his way, Kit watched him go. He was a brute with the stature to match.
“Whyyyy, are you on the roof?” Kit asked.
“I was bored, didn’t have nothin’ pressing to do so I figured why not say hi.”
“Hello.”
“Where were you goin’?”
Kit shifted his gaze up and over. “To ask your grandmother a question. Nieema, right?”
“Mhm. Yeah. But she ain’t up yet. ‘Bout another two hours.”
“I’ll wait. But, again, why are you sitting on th—“
Jo laughed, swinging his legs. “’Cus it’s the best place to think. Where you do your best thinking?”
“In the bath.”
“I can see that.”
Kit yelped, clutched his journal, and slid from the landing zone. Jo had jumped from the roof and touched down with unnatural agility. He was rangy and wolfish. His smile remained, showcasing more than several fangs. Kit was unsettled by his friendliness and pointed features.
He’d never seen such a thing.
“You have quite the pair of wings,” Kit said, noticing the subtle twitch and flit. “Your grandmother is a vampire, no? As would be your mother or fat—“
Jo stuffed an orange colored crisp into his mouth and said, “We all mixed up ‘round here. My Mama wasn’t even all vampire. The only one who is, is Granny. My Mama is only half. I got fairy blood mostly. As you can tell from the lifts.”
“Lifts?”
“Another word for wings.” Jo looked to the winding walkway and laughed for whatever reason. “You wanna come with me somewhere?”
“Where?”
“To see a witch.”
“Yes!” Kit gasped. “Let me get my satchel first.”
After running inside for his bag, he filled it with his journal, a bottle of water, and two cashew butter and blackberry jam sandwiches. “I’m set.”
“Why you look like a hobbit on their first adventure?”
“A whaaat?”
“You got the sweater, purse, and hairy hooves.”
“What is a—“
Jo cackled and started their pleasant journey through the field. It was hard to believe this entire stretch of land belonged to a single family. Of course, Carriont owned a manor with thirty-five rooms, a botanical garden, and an amphitheater but to Kit, it felt more like a soggy shoe box.
“Who was the fairy?” Kit asked.
“My dad. He still in Lightbridge. The classless fuck. Got my mama pregnant and bought her a train ticket home. Fairies don’t much like melting pots if you know what I mean.”
“I do not, unfortunately.”
Jo smiled and dragged his feet, the strange coverings slapped the ground in annoying succession. They were hardly useful with the bit of plastic between his toes. Kit shuddered at the sight. Five digit freaks.
“Most folks up north in fairy land don’t mess with vampires.”
“Ahhh, I understand. In Undervell, many don’t like sleep paralysis demons. My father calls them ruffians. The general population ignores them. They’re labeled lazy trash by the media.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“I suppose, in a sense.”
Kit kept a wary eye on the woods. He’d kill a lion and make quick use of its hide. If one even dared try a surprise attack, he’d throttle them.
“Are their lions here?”
“Lions? What, like Simba?”
“Who?”
“Damn, what y’all be watching in hell?”
“Lions, you know? Big golden cats with impressive claws and—“
“Oohhhh, shit!” Jo laughed, and his wings fluttered. “Noooo, no. We don’t got them here. That’s like down south, across Pearl Gulf. Nahhh. No lions. But we do got like, Ore bears, bear shifters, Burling bears, Dust peckers, Harpies, and uhhh spiders. Them big ones.”
“I saw one.”
“Whaaaaat? And you still breathin’?”
Jo tsked and crumpled the empty crisp bag. He slipped it into the pocket of his checkered shorts and smirked. “You’re a bad, bad man, Kit.”
“I was shoved into a closet. I didn’t even get to fight.”
“Ohhh, you know what? Grandaddy said something about that.”
“I’m sure.”
If Jo never spoke, one might be frightened of the young man. He was covered in tribal ink, draped in gold jewelry, and his claws were the darkest shade of red Kit had ever seen. As if he’d dipped them in blood. The color faded at his third knuckle, where an amber, sun-drenched brown shimmered.
Faeries were hideous creatures.
“I’m quite excited to meet a witch,” Kit said.
“You ain’t never seen one?”
“No, never.”
“My grandpa was a witch. Warlock, really. It’s why I got magic in my bones.”
“Sooo, you’re the Sunsides, great grandson.”
“Mhm. Yup.”
“Where’s the rest of your family?”
“Hell if I know.” Jo shrugged and waved at the sheep. The poor devil was insane. “Not everybody set up for town living, and most don’t wanna die here.”
“What nonsense. Indigo Plains is magnificent!” Kit inhaled a deep breath, enjoying the outdoor stench. “It smells terrible, but even I see the beauty here. It’s peaceful and bright. Magical. After sunset, the moon casts an incredible light upon this land. I didn’t want to come here. I mean, I did. But not this soon, and certainly not under these circumstances.”
“What circumstances?”
Kit stopped himself from saying too much. He still had six days to get Jasper home and he was no closer than he had been hours ago.
“My sister, I came to help her with the dire living situation when we were attacked by the spider beast.”
“Riiiiight, right.”
“Young man—“
“Whoa, I’m forty-five.”
“I have trousers older than you.”
The fairy laughed again and shoved Kit’s shoulder. He stumbled into the grass and tried to hold his own chuckle, but failed. They followed the path for another thirty minutes. During such time, the loquacious Jo had stated facts and opinions. He tossed rocks, twirled sticks, and skipped along.
Every so often, Jo stopped to speak with sheep and a huge fucking blue goat with an immaculate set of horns. In that moment, Kit wished he hadn’t shaved his.
He touched the bumpy, raised edge in need of a touch-up and sighed. The Duke had said wild horns were improper for a general with status.
“Why are we going into the wood?” Kit asked, stopping in his tracks.
“This ain’t no forest. Calm down.”
“Woods.” Kit looked from the snaking road to an amused Jo. The damned stones vanished into a void.
Twisting the strap on his bag, Kit took a step back. “I can’t.”
“I told you it’s not a forest, woods, whatever.”
“Not the same thing.”
“This, is a garden.”
Kit scowled. “A garden?”
“Yeah, swear it on my Mama’s heart. Maggie keeps plants and shit like Papa Buck.”
“Wait, he has a garden?”
“Yeah. You saw it on the tour.”
“The greenhouse is his?”
Jo nodded and waved a hand. “Let’s goooo. Got things to do, geezer.”
“What’s a geezer?”
Jo giggled and extended a palm. Kit stared at it, not knowing what to do. “What would you like from me?”
“You somethin’ else, demon man.”
Kit flinched as Jo snatched his hand and gripped it with cold fingers. It’d been a while since anyone other than Jasper had touched him. Shocking and strange as it was, Kit needed the support as they inched forward.
It was fact, he’d led an entire army into battle sixty-four times and had the scars to prove it. Yes, he was known as General Raze the Great Impaler and yes, he saved all of Undervell four years ago, but by gods, the woods turned him into a hatchling. A cowering wee thing on the verge of pissing themselves.
His heart thudded. He couldn’t hear Jo’s prattle over his own chattering teeth. Towering trunks and creaking boughs. They were going to eat him alive! Swallow him whole and dine on his entrails!
A golden light bobbed, causing a brief distraction. Kit sucked in a breath as the tiny being landed on the tip of his nose.
“What—“ The insect buzzed away and Kit tracked its winding movement until it perched atop a luminous flower. “Oh my, it is a garden.”
Flanking their path was an unfathomable amount of blossoms, bushes, and vines. He didn’t know what any of them were called and dared not ask. Miniature winged insects fluttered about while frogs lazed on lily pads in a nearby pond. Sculptures, fountains, and sitting areas gave the area personality.
“Yeah,” Jo said, sighing. “She’s a pack rat. Like, bad. Almost bad as Old Man Joyner. I been telling her they’d make a nice couple.”
“I don’t know what a pack rat is, but it sounds lovely.”
Jo snickered and knocked on a pink oval door. He released his hold and hugged a portly woman with coral-hued curls. Kit appreciated her bespangled hair, studded with beads, both colorful and dissimilar.
“Come, my boy, come. And you’ve brought a friend! Welcome, Kit.”
“You know my name? We have never met how—“
“I know everything that happens on this ranch. I’m Maggie, honey. Now come inside so I can feed you.”
He smiled on a nod and entered the witch’s home. It was a storybook cottage and smelled of freshly baked bread. Kit was pretty good with flour and yeast as well. Though no one had ever tried his loaves except for Jasper.
Herbs hung from the ceiling and above the wood-burning stove. Jars, tea cups, and pottery cluttered every surface. Bowls of fruit and veggies straddled a large tome. Kit was awestruck. Her home was everything he figured it to be. Witches weren’t the neatest bunch. They had spells to complete, wards to cast, and medicine bags to fill. He’d done research on them, too.
Kit had been fascinated with witchcraft its wielders for many years. Powerful beings who pulled words from a page with intention and purpose.
“Sit, sit.”
He obeyed and settled on the sofa next to Jo, who lounged upside down. Feet kicking, he crunched on something and erupted in a squeal of laughter.
“How’s the house business going, Kit?”
“I can’t say. We’re supposed to do the demolition tonight.”
“Yeah, right. Leave it to Grandma Nima. All she wanna do is swing that hammer. There are things you gotta do before the actuarial construction begins. I’m sure Papa Buck is handling it as we speak .”
Kit twisted around to examine the witch. “Are you a relative?”
“I was married to their son, Carter.”
“Was?”
“He caught the travel bug,” Maggie said, cutting into a cake Kit would devour in seconds. “Went off to fight in a war that was no business of ours. Trolls. Quarrelsome. Bah! Anyway, Carter transitioned some twenty years ago. I’m Jo’s grandmother.”
“Ohhh, this is getting rather confusing.”
“I can see how it would. We got ‘bout four generations of Sunsides in this town. Be prepared. Not everyone stayed, but I got more cousins than I can shake a stick at. Here you go, baby.”
Kit hurried to accept the gift of sugar. “Thank you, this looks divine.”
“Divine? You flatter me.”
“Never.”
Maggie blushed and slapped the fairy’s foot. “Jo, sit your behind up. Every which way on my couch. You lost ya mind. Huh.”
“Oooo. Cake!”
Jo hunched over his plate and smiled. “Grandma, is there extra raisins in it?”
“You damn skippy.”
“Mmmm. Carrot cake is the only cake I eat.”
Kit didn’t know what carrot cake was, but the moment bits of carrot, dried fruit, and cinnamon greeted his tongue,e he understood Jo’s comment. It was unlike anything Kit had ever tasted. Soft, moist, with a slight crunch.
“What is that toffee-like morsel?! What brand of heaven is this? Ohhh, Maggie, I have been gifted food from a skilled god of fare!”
Maggie exploded in a crackle of giggles and clapped her hands. “Take that Culinary Arts and kiss my Black ass!”
“Yes!” Kit whooped and raised his fork. “Kiss her Black ass Arts of the Culinary.”
Jo hollered in laughter and choked. He hacked while Maggie patted his back. “Slow down, baby. I told you, chew before you swallow. You know, he came out of the womb with a spoon in his hand.”
“Seriously?” Kit gasped, and Maggie waved a hand.
“You’re hilarious. Not many demons are. I like you, Kit.”
He perked at the compliment, as no stranger had said such things to him before. After scraping crumbs, Maggie ordered him to have another slice. Of course, he agreed.
“Jo, you know them Platter boys stole two more pumpkins from Mr. Carol again.”
“Come onnnnn, Grandma no work talk.”
“No, you gotta do somethin’ about ‘em.”
“I already did, I—“
“You gave them a stern talking to. That ain’t gon’ cut it, this is the third time. You know Mr. Carol is getting his patch ready for the fair.”
Jo finished his last bite and groaned aloud. Kit didn’t see what the issue was.
“Are these ruffians?” Kit asked. “Barbarous thieves?”
“They’re teenagers,” Jo said. “Seventeen and eighteen. Kids. They have an obsession with pumpkins. I don’t know.”
“Are you their ward?”
“What? Nah. I’m the Sheriff.”
“And as sheriff,” Maggie piped, braiding strands of ribbon dangling with charms, “its your job to stop crime.”
“I got deputies for that shit.”
“Boy.”
“Sorry, ma’am. But why I gotta do it?”
Maggie hit Jo with a telling side eye, one even Kit evaded by looking at a stack of thick books on the coffee table. Herbs, stones, and trees. He’d love to read each volume for research purposes.
“You wanna go on a ride-along with me tomorrow?” Jo asked.
“A what?”
“Do you want to ride with me while I’m working. Doing boring sheriff stuff.”
“Absolutely! I’d love the chance to dish out laws and orders. And rid Indigo Plains of all tomfoolery.”
Kit waggled his brows and nudged Jo with an elbow. he snickered.
“You not doing none of that. But I love the enthusiasm.”
“Aw.” Kit slouched into the sofa. “Can I at least arrest someone?”
“I can’t remember the last time I arrested somebody. Maybe five years ago?”
“Wait, but you’re a land-dwelling patron of order, as we call those with authority in Undervell, you must detain and judge.”
“Our courthouse is for like, property cases. Civil suits. There’s virtually no crime here.”
“Save for them Platter boys,” Maggie mumbled.
“Grandmaaaaa.”
“How odd. Jasper said crime is a huge issue in the capital.”
“I bet,” Jo chimed. “And Johnny Law makes it worse.”
“How?”
“I don’t got it in me for a talk like that. Grandma, more cake!”
“You want another piece too?”
Kit tapped his lips and scrunched his nose. “Do…uhm…do a pig shit?”
Jo cackled, stomped his feet, and smacked Kit in the arm.
“Lords,” Maggie rolled her eyes and said, “You sound like Buck already.”