Tag: writing community

To Be Grown and Queer

In my youth, I was so worried about what my bible carrying father would do to me if he found out I was bi. I played the straight role for more than half my life. Though, my choice in attire had folks assuming I was a lesbian.
Because you know, keeping shit androgynous instantly makes someone queer.
[INSERT EYEROLL]
When I was ten years old, I watched as a family member was shunned and condemned by relatives after coming out. Their cruelty made a lasting impression. My own father stopped talking to this person and had nothing but terrible things to say about them.
Can you imagine how scared I was? His reaction caused me to withdraw and cower. I pushed my queerness down and forced myself into a box I never fit in.
It was rough for many years. I am proud to say I have gotten over and grown out of that hellish religious trauma.
Three immediate family members still don’t know I’m bisexual. Yes, one being my father. The other two, I just don’t care enough to tell them. I know how they’d take it and I don’t need that, type of negativity in my life.
Fuck that, I don’t want a lecture, I don’t need to be read scriptures that gave me nightmares as a child. I don’t need their opinions or upturned noses.
We’re not obligated to disclose our sexuality. You don’t have to tell a soul. I live in my truth daily. I don’t need their validation or support, because I have learned to love and accept myself.
Those of y’all who know, KNOW. Growing up in a Baptist environment will have you hating yourself and projecting. This is a struggle! I don’t withhold this information due to shame, no.
I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE.
I’ve reached a certain age where I truly don’t give damn. I look at my reflection and smile. I love her. I love this woman. I love who she is and what she has done and will do.
I’ll be damned to let anybody badmouth me for extending myself grace and love. You cannot let them steal your joy!

Fourth Book Blues!

I loooooove writing book series! I mean, I really enjoy it! I tend to have a lot going on for my MC’s. Once they start talking it takes a long while for them to shut up. Which I am not complaining about. Cause well, when they go dark it’s typically in their last book. Hearing them gets harder and they often don’t know what to do or where to go by then. I often refer to myself as a messenger cause I don’t seek out much. Everything comes along naturally. But during the fourth and typically final installment things get stagnant. Not in W*iters B*ock (I hate that word) sorta way, but more of a slow crawl to the finish line. Third acts and the last hundred pages are a pain in the arse to write. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve had this issue for two years. Eventually I type “The End” but it’s a hassle getting there. And being that I’m on a fourth novel as we speak, the turtle pace has begun. I am feeling the drag!